I haven't written in a while and I had said one of the last times that I felt I was on the brink of something spirtually.    My path has lead me to many one of which was being led to the book Conversations with God.     I think this book is a interesting read it speaks alot of truths and to some I know what your thinking but it doesn't pertain to me.  I think whether you believe in one God/Goddess or many gods/goddesses you should read this book.    Sorry if this message sounds preachy or anything.  I have always been the kind of person who didn't preach my beliefs on people.  I still don't think I am, I am just sharing something with you that I found on my path to truth.   I could preach about which  I believe from the book but everyone's take is different, as it should be.   Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving!

I had written before that I am searching for faith that I feel I lost.  Part of that is faith in myself.   I feel I am  on the brink of something.   I can't really say what because there is a lot of fear surrounding it and feelings of hope too.   

 Oh and I spoke to the blood doctor they say they don't know why my white cell count  is high.   He doesn't want to treat me for infection because he doesn't know if I have a infection.  Just another thing in my life without any answers... oh well.  

I am waiting for my husband to get through his emails at the moment after that we are off to Barnes & Nobles Book Store.   I love book stores.  I am completely addicted to them and libraries. I feel so comfortable in them!    Not sure what I will read today but I think it might have something to do with faith.  I don't have much faith in myself lately.  I need to learn how to gain that.  Now I know that I can't learn complete faith from a book but sometimes they help start you off on the right foot.

On another book note these are the witchy  books I am currently reading: Cottage Witchery by Ellen Dugan and Spell Crafts by Scott Cunningham & David Harrington.

I just took a nap and an I think I had an Astral Dream.  It felt like one and I haven't had one in a while. It was a dream were i knew I was helping the higher power.  I was talking to people in a different plane helping them by answering prayers, big ones and small.  I seemed to know answers even I can't remember now all of them but I had answer for almost everything.  It was a wonderful dream that i would hope to have again.

I went to the doctor's for my white cell count being high.   So far I don't know anything yet.  I have to wait three weeks before I find anything out.  The doctor hasn't told me what he thinks it could be.   I know John said that it could be an infection but i am still worried it could be the other big thing.  The big C.  It has been a fear of mine that I might get Cancer someday because it runs through both sides of my family.    I know stupid to worry about it because I know it may be just an infection but I have been going through so much the the past three years with Depression and Anxiety.     I am always afraid the worst is going to happen.  I use to say it was to prepare myself for what could happen but I know that is not true.   I am just pessimistic and I hate that because I know thinking negative thoughts will bring negative to you but I find it so hard not to think that way.   Even now I am just beating myself up.  I wish I knew how to stop.